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Flytrap | Funny, Witty, Clever, Naughty Cards & Paper Gifts
Flytrap | Humorous Adult Cards & Paper Gifts
Our adult greeting cards and Littles are also incredibly popular. A little mature, a little sexy, a little naughty, they are the best cards for Valentine's Day, your anniversary, your lover's birthday, or any time you just want to say "hello" to another grown up. Please. We implore you. Leave the kids at home.
Sometimes, you want to give a funny greeting card to a coworker or someone you don't know so well. Here's your chance. These shouldn't offend anyone too much, if at all. We think. Maybe. But we can't make any promises, mkay?
Cards for Family (1 item)
Get funny, sarcastic cards for family right here, including every family member. Mom's birthday? Check. First time grandparent? Check. You'll even find love cards for husbands and wives, birthday cards for brothers and sisters, and some of the best Mother's Day and Father's Day cards around.
12 Mother's Day (or Anytime) Coupons, "Silly Mom-ish Coupons”
Twelve funny coupons for your mom or mother-in-law. Including, " A holiday dinner that someone else cooks. " And "Give a piece of household advice that I accept graciously and am required to fulfill. " Click product details for more.
Congratulations Cards and More (9 items)
People do spectacular things. Say "congrats" with greeting cards that are funny, unique, and perfectly adult. Then pick up some foodstuffs to help your friends celebrate their coups. So you can make them fat while they wallow in inordinate success.
Funny Congratulations Card for New Graduate, "Workisms”
FRONT A list of workplace jargon that makes people want to shove ice picks in their ears. Click for more.
INSIDE Congratulations, graduate. Welcome to your new vocabulary.
Funny Congratulations on Your Retirement Card, "Retirement and Death”
FRONT You've been looking forward to your retirement for over 30 years and now it's finally here! Congratulations!
INSIDE Now all you have to look forward to is dying.
Funny Graduation Congratulations Card, "Coffee Classes”
FRONT Congratulations, Graduate!
INSIDE I hope you took classes on how to make coffee for people dumber than you.
Funny Happy Retirement Card, "Sad To See You Go”
FRONT Happy Retirement! I'm sure everyone is sad to see you go!
INSIDE Mostly because you didn't leave 20 years ago like they wanted.
Funny Humorous Retirement Card Congrats, "Doing More Nothing”
FRONT Congratulations on your retirement! Now you get to sit around and do nothing...
INSIDE Which is pretty much what you did before, but you got paid a lot more.
Funny Penguin Wedding Card, "One in a Million, Thank God”
FRONT Congratulations on your wedding day! A couple like you is one in a million!
INSIDE Thank God…
Funny Wedding Card for Wife, "Please Don't Get Fat”
FRONT For my darling bride…
INSIDE Please don't get fat.
Funny Wedding Card, "Year-Long Marriage”
FRONT For the happy couple, a toast!
INSIDE To your upcoming year-long marriage!
Humorous Wedding Greeting Card for Groom, "This Card is a Lie”
FRONT You're so lucky to have her as your bride!
INSIDE (The front of this card was a lie. She's crazy, dude. Abort! Abort!)
Honestly, some of the stuff in our store even makes our own hair hurt. Here are our most evil cards and whatnot for those times when you want to hit something but are better off laughing. If you're looking for humorous evil, you've come to the right place.
Funny Adult Christmas Cards & Gifts (21 items)
We have some of the best Christmas cards you'll find online or in stores. They're endlessly funny, terribly inappropriate, and make the perfect Christmas greeting cards for friends and family alike. Happy red Santas, decorated trees, and colorful gifts abound with that old Flytrap sarcasm inside. Merry Christmas!
Funny Adult Card for Holiday Greetings, "Inappropriate Rubbing”
FRONT Happy holidays, co-worker!
INSIDE I look forward to inappropriately rubbing up against you at the company Christmas party.
Funny Adult Merry Christmas Card - Blunt, "Mommy's A Slut”
FRONT I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.
INSIDE And doing some other stuff. Mommy's kind of a slut.
Funny Christmas Card, Adult, "Some Mistletoe, Kiss Someone Else”
FRONT Here's some mistletoe…
INSIDE May you find someone who isn't me.
Funny Christmas Greeting Card, "What Santa Leaves Behind”
FRONT The joy of the season lies in what Santa leaves behind.
INSIDE Including the long white pubic hair I found under the tree.
Funny Mean Holiday Greeting Card, "They Don't Like Your Gift”
FRONT Holy cow! Would ya look at this?! Oh, I've heard about these! This is something else! Who knew I needed this?! Onto the next! How interesting! Where did you find it?
INSIDE If you hear anyone say any of that, they don't like your gift.
Funny Merry Christmas Card, "Baby Jesus Gives You Loot”
FRONT Happy Holidays!
INSIDE I hope baby Jesus gives you lots of loot!
Funny Naughty Adult Merry Christmas Card, "Santa's Coming”
FRONT Santa's coming!
INSIDE Christ, I hope he doesn't get any manjuice on my tree.
Funny Wrong Card for Holidays, "Why the Christians Won”
FRONT 7 Days of Kwanzaa. 8 Days of Hanukkah. 12 Days of Christmas.
INSIDE I guess that's why the Christians won.
Funny Xmas Card, Adult, "A Prostitute Gift”
FRONT For Christmas this year, you'll be getting a visit from someone with big black boots, a giving spirit, and lots of fun toys.
INSIDE That's right! A prostitute!
Funny, Modern Holiday Card, "The Season to Be Many Things”
FRONT 'Tis the season to be jolly and drunk and suicidal… Click to see full list.
INSIDE [blank]
Funny, Modern Holiday Greeting Card, "Politically Correct”
FRONT A politically correct diatribe. View product for complete text.
INSIDE [blank]
Funny, Sarcastic Adult Holiday Card, "Don't Kill Your Family”
FRONT Please don't kill your family this holiday season.
INSIDE I mean... unless they're loaded and you're a beneficiary or something.
Funny, Sarcastic Christmas Card - Irreverent, "Jesus Is Pissed”
FRONT Jesus is coming…
INSIDE And he's pissed off nobody got him any presents for his birthday.
Funny, Sarcastic Christmas Card, "Better Presents Than Jesus”
FRONT Merry Christmas.
INSIDE I bet you get better presents than Jesus did.
Hilarious Holiday Greetings Card, "Bragging Rights"
FRONT A rambling, bragging holiday letter. Click to read.
INSIDE [blank]
Humorous Christmas Card with Modern Bells, "Christ Our Lord”
FRONT Merry Christmas. Christ our Lord and Savior is born.
INSIDE If you buy that sort of thing.
Humorous Christmas Card with Modern Reindeer, "Who's Jesus”
FRONT Happy reindeer, Santa, mistletoe, lots of presents, too much food, chocolate, and candy cane day!
INSIDE Who's Jesus?
Humorous, Sarcastic Holiday Card, "Unsure of Religion”
FRONT Happy Holidays!
INSIDE That's my way of sending season's greetings to someone whose religious affiliation I'm unclear on.
Popular Funny Christmas Card for Adult, "The Other Christmas Story”
FRONT The Other Christmas Story. Okay, so first of all, this teenage chick who is barely out of grade school gets knocked up and tries to convince people that she is actually a virgin and this imaginary friend (i.e. God) implanted a baby in her. Meanwhile, this lecherous old guy, Joseph, who they say was around 50 years old, says he believes Mary's story and is going to run away with her. Click for full story...
INSIDE [blank]
Sarcastic Holiday Greeting Card - Humorous, "Anti-Hallmark”
FRONT May your holidays be filled with peace, love, happiness, cheer...
INSIDE And other cheesy sentiments that would be on this card if it were from Hallmark.
Sarcastic, Mean Christmas Card, "Gain Weight for Santa”
FRONT I really appreciate your commitment to the Christmas spirit!
INSIDE Not many people would put on that much weight just to look like Santa.
Funny Anniversary Cards and More (23 items)
Want to get a little naughty this year? Or maybe you want to be more funny. These funny anniversary cards give you both. Amazing, huh? And they're almost completely guaranteed to help you get lucky! But it IS your anniversary, so that should be part of the deal regardless.
Adult Humorous Love Card, "Spaghetti, Sushi, Tacos & You”
FRONT Spaghetti, sushi, tacos & you.
INSIDE Four things I love on an empty stomach.
Adult Love Card, Funny, "Thinking of You Naked”
FRONT Thinking of you…
INSIDE … naked.
Adult Love Card, Funny, "Whoring Around”
FRONT I'm so glad we're in a committed relationship now.
INSIDE I was getting tired of whoring around.
Crazy for Your Love Card, Funny, "Crazy Love”
FRONT I'm crazy for your love!
INSIDE That's why I'm taking anti-psychotics!
Dirty Sex Card for Man, "I Love Everything, Especially Your Dick”
FRONT I love everything about you.
INSIDE Especially your dick.
Funny Anniversary Card for Lover, Spouse, Partner, "Big Changes”
FRONT For our anniversary, let's make some big changes.
INSIDE And by big changes, I mean let's change you. Big time.
Funny Happy Anniversary Card, "I Hope You Get Lucky”
FRONT Happy Anniversary!
INSIDE I hope you get lucky tonight.
Funny I Love You Card, "I'm Glad I Found You Instead Of Jesus”
FRONT I'm so glad I found you.
INSIDE Instead of Jesus.
Funny Love and Sex Card, "Long Term Love, Short Term Sex”
FRONT My Love, for the long term, I want to love you, hold you, adore you, please you, take care of you, and make you the happiest person who ever was.
INSIDE For the short term, I just want you to do me.
Funny Love Card, "I'd Give Up Sex For You”
FRONT I'd give up anything for you.
INSIDE Especially sex.
Funny Love Card, "Love Isn't Easy, But I Am”
FRONT Love isn't easy...
INSIDE Fortunately, I am.
Funny Love Greeting Card , "I'm Hotter Than You”
FRONT Every time I look at you, I just feel so lucky.
INSIDE That you'll never leave me, since I'm so much hotter than you.
Hilarious Love Greeting Card, "Less Farting”
FRONT I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't found you, my love.
INSIDE But I'm betting there'd be a lot less farting.
Humorous Love Card, Valentine Too, "Triple Threat”
FRONT You're a triple threat. Looks, brains, and a great sense of humor.
INSIDE Too bad you're not a gazillionaire.
Humorous Love Greeting Card, "I Love You, Now Do Me”
FRONT I love you.
INSIDE Now do me.
Humorous Love Greeting Card, Sarcastic, "Never Give Up On You”
FRONT I'll never give up on you.
INSIDE At least, not until you're old or fat or broke.
Love Card for Him, Man, Humorous, "I Had to Have Shoes”
FRONT The moment I saw you, I had to have you. It was love at first sight. I'm so glad I found you. You light up my life and make me feel beautiful. I don't want to spend a single minute without you.
INSIDE Hang on a second. You're not shoes after all, are you?
Love Card, Funny, Sarcastic, "You're Too Good For Me”
FRONT Sometimes I think you're just too good for me.
INSIDE Not really. Everyone else knows it, too.
Love Greeting Card, Funny, Sweet, "I Love Ewe”
FRONT I love ewe.
INSIDE Not sheep, you perv! It's a pun. It's like I said I love YOU, but cuter. I'm pretty cute, aren't I?
Love List Greeting Card for Man, Funny, "What I Love About You”
FRONT A naughty, funny list of loveable things.
INSIDE [ blank ]
Mean, Funny Love Card About Your Ex , "Cupid's Arrow”
FRONT Cupid's arrow could not have hit a truer target...
INSIDE But enough about my ex, let's talk about you!
Sex Card Greeting, Funny, "Let's Be Together Tonight, Then I Leave”
FRONT Let's be together tonight.
INSIDE But when we're done I'd like to leave.
Sexy Love Card, Funny and Popular, "Why Are You Wearing Clothes?”
FRONT I love you. You are everything I want in a partner… Click for naughty letter.
INSIDE Why are you still wearing clothes?
If you've got friends (let's hope you do), we've got some sarcastic, funny cards for them. And we have all occasions, including hello cards, birthday cards, even funny friendship cards to say, "You're sarcastic as hell. And I like it." Give your friends some humor to make their Mondays a little less gloomy.
Funny Cards With Sayings and Wordiness
Sometimes, you can't say it with just a few words. You need to beat that decaying horse a little harder to get your point across. These funny cards (and other products) with lots and lots of extra words should help. They're always popular, hilarious, and highly expressive.
Funny Easter Greeting Cards (5 items)
Easter isn't about Jesus anymore, is it? It's about impossible creatures, too much candy, and wasted eggs. Say "Happy Easter" a little differently this year. With sarcasm and humor. Which is what Jesus would do, if he were around.
Funny Adult Easter Greeting Card - Irreverent, "Jesus Smiting”
FRONT Happy Easter!
INSIDE Jesus is coming to smite you specifically!
Funny Easter Card for Friend - Sarcastic, "That Pesky Jesus Dude”
FRONT Happy Easter! Here's hoping the Easter Bunny carves an egg and candy path straight to your door.
INSIDE Even if he has to shove that pesky Jesus dude out of the way.
Funny, Sarcastic Unique Easter Card, "The Ghost of Jesus”
FRONT On the third morning, Jesus rose from the dead to show us the path to eternal life.
INSIDE And everyone wondered why he wasn't wearing a sheet with eyeholes while humming "boo".
Humorous, Sarcastic Easter Greeting Card, "Beyond Redemption”
FRONT Happy Easter! Always remember, Jesus is our Savior!
INSIDE Well, not yours. You're beyond redemption. Try to have a good Easter, anyhow.
Unique Funny Easter Card for Adult, "Egg Hunt”
FRONT As a special Easter gift to you, I'm going to send you on an egg hunt!
INSIDE And while you're out, I'll be stealing all your shit!
Funny Father's Day Cards (5 items)
If your dad is funny, loves humorous cards, and has more than a lick of sense, he's going to love these hilarious Father's Day cards. Suck up to dad this year with humor. And he might finally get you a pony for making him laugh.
Funny Adult Father's Day Card for Dad, "Not Sophisticated”
FRONT Happy Father's Day! You're a man of exceptional taste, sophistication, and class!
INSIDE ot really. But it's Father's Day, so I wanted to say something nice.
Funny, Blunt Father's Day Card, "Thanks for Not Beating Me”
FRONT Happy Father's Day, Dad. I know I don't say it often enough…
INSIDE But thanks for not beating me.
Hilarious Father's Day Card for Dad from Adult, "No Love, No Pony”
FRONT Happy Father's Day, Dad! I love you!
INSIDE Even though you never loved me enough to give me a pony.
Humorous Father's Day Card with Devil, "Send Money”
FRONT Dad, I'm sorry for all the grief I caused you when I was a kid.
INSIDE Also, I need money.
Naughty, Funny Father's Day Card from Adult, "Mom Puts Out”
FRONT Dad, this Father's Day I want to send a special thank you for bringing me into this world.
INSIDE And to mom for putting out that night.
Funny Friendship Cards for Friends (35 items)
The perfect way to make your best friends laugh. If they're smart enough. These greeting cards and gifts are perfect for any occasion, including just because, birthdays, holidays, or any time you want to say "hello" to someone you love.
12 Funny Mini Friendship Cards, "Snarky Little Friendly Notes”
Twelve fabulous Littles for all of your friends. Including, " I'm glad I chose you. It was between you and some Jimmy Choos. I saved 0." And " I'm glad we're not the kind of friends who keep a tally of who owes who what. (6.52) " Click product details for more.
Adult Friendship Card, Funny, "How I Attract Powerful Men”
FRONT What do I put behind my ears to attract rich, powerful men?
INSIDE My legs.
Cute, Funny Sticky Notes, "Almost Useless Without Pen"
THESE NOTES SAY Almost Useless Without Pen. Sure, you could shred me for confetti. But that might hurt.
Friendship Card, Funny and Sarcastic, "Friends Until Someone Moves”
FRONT Friends like us are friends forever!
INSIDE Or until one of us moves.
Fun Diet Card or Food "Hello" Card, "Big Mac & Diet Coke”
FRONT Things that don't make sense #4.
INSIDE Big Mac, large fries, sundae, diet soda.
Funny Adult Sticky Notes for Home or Office, "No Love, No Pony"
THESE NOTES SAY My parents never loved me enough to give me a pony.
Funny Cats Card, Paper Greeting, "Woman With Too Many Cats”
FRONT Things that don't make sense #3.
INSIDE One woman, 42 cats.
Funny Coffee Card, Hello Card, "Coffee Smells Good, You Don't”
FRONT Doesn't fresh coffee smell great in the morning?
INSIDE I wish you did.
Funny Dog Card, Friendship Card, "Dogs Shouldn't Wear Sweaters”
FRONT Things that don't make sense #5.
INSIDE Dogs covered in fur. Then covered with sweaters.
Funny Facebook Card, Friendship, "Everyone is Hiding You on Facebook”
FRONT Rude Awakening #2.
INSIDE Everyone is hiding you on Facebook.
Funny Fake Parking Ticket Sticky Notes for Drivers, "You Park Like An Idiot"
THESE NOTES SAY You Park Like An Idiot. Remember: You actually share earth with other people. [click for more]
Funny Friendship Card, Adult, "8 Inches Makes a Difference”
FRONT Survive crash. Die.
INSIDE Sometimes 8 inches makes a huge difference. Sometimes, not so much.
Funny Friendship Card, Hello Card "Unique Means Weird”
FRONT You're so unique!
INSIDE Unique means weird.
Funny Friendship Card, Hello Card, "Farting is Liberating”
FRONT There's something I want you to know...
INSIDE Farting is liberating.
Funny Friendship Card, Mean, Sarcastic, "Stop Crying, Pussy”
FRONT I know it's hard, but please stop crying so much.
INSIDE Everyone already thinks you're a pussy.
Funny Hair Card, Paper Greeting, Sarcastic, "Mullets”
FRONT Things that don't make sense #2.
INSIDE Mullets.
Funny Hello Card or Friendship Card, "Lies Women Tell”
FRONT No, really. I'm fine. It looks great on you. Childbirth hurts, but in a good way. It happens to all men. You're not fat. All kids do that. You look like you've lost weight. Yes, I came. I'm usually a size 6. I love giving blow jobs.
INSIDE Lies women tell.
Funny Hello Card, Sarcastic, "Hope You Don't Get Hit By a Bus”
FRONT Hello! Hope you have a wonderful day today!
INSIDE Or, at least, that you don't get hit by a bus or something.
Funny Hello Card, Weird, "Birds and Bees and Quickies”
FRONT Birds do it… bees do it…
INSIDE Let's eat half our body weight and scour the countryside for quickies!
Funny Refrigerator Sticky Notes for Home or Work, "Name That Mystery Food"
THESE NOTES SAY Mystery Food Identifier. So you never have to say, "What the hell is that?" again. Click for more.
Funny Sticky Notes for Home, Husband, Family, "I Am Not Your Servant"
A funny set of sticky notes with a humorous list of things for people in your home to do, like clean up their rooms or empty the dishwasher. Click for more.
Funny Sticky Notes for Office, Work or Home, "Do Not Eat My Poison Food"
Perfect sticky notes for your lunch bag at work or even to ward off roommates. They read: Warning: Do Not Eat. This food is not yours. It's mine. If you eat it, you will... [click for more]
Funny Sticky Notes, "I Am A Sticky Note"
THESE NOTES SAY I Am A Sticky Note. Use me. Abuse me. Make me dirty. It's what I like. Uh huh.
Funny Sticky Notes, "You Know You Want Me"
THESE NOTES SAY You Know You Want Me. Take me. I'm such a lonely, empty sticky note. Make me whole.
Funny, Hilarious Sticky Notes, "This Owl is Smarter Than That Honor Student"
THESE NOTES SAY I bet this owl is smarter than that honor student.
Funny, Strange Sticky Notes, "I'm Stuck On You"
THESE NOTES SAY I'm Stuck On You. Well, maybe not you. But I'm definitely stuck on something.
Funny, Unusual Sticky Notes for Office or Home, "Please Shut Up"
THESE NOTES SAY If this parrot were real, it would say, "Please shut up."
Hello Card, Funny and Sarcastic, "Nobody Cares What You Think”
FRONT Rude awakening #1.
INSIDE Nobody cares what you think.
Hello Card, Funny and Sarcastic, "You're Like Family”
FRONT You're like family to me.
INSIDE Without all the criticism and yelling.
Hello Card, Funny, Sarcastic, Personal Space, "Don't Hug Me”
FRONT If you hug me right now…
INSIDE You'll come back with two bloody stumps.
Hilarious Friendship Card, Sarcastic, "Killing My Boss”
FRONT Thank you for always being there for me.
INSIDE I know who to call when I end up in prison for killing my boss.
Humorous Friendship Card for Adult, "Lies Men Tell”
FRONT I've never cheated. I'll call you. You don't look fat. I'm not married. My grandmother died. I made her come. We did it. She's just a friend.
INSIDE Lies men tell.
Humorous, Unusual Sticky Notes, "I Stick Like Glue"
THESE NOTES SAYI Stick Like Glue. So don't pretend I didn't stay put. I did and you know it.
Odd, Funny Sticky Notes, "I Am Very Important"
THESE NOTES SAY I Am Very Important. Seriously, it's not just my ego talking. I really matter.
Sarcastic Friendship Card, Funny "Friends Are Precious”
FRONT Friends are precious!
INSIDE Especially when they're teeny little pink and green giraffes.
Funny Greeting Cards (12 items)
These funny greeting cards (and other products) make smart people laugh. Period. You give them, your friends laugh, and before you know it you're rolling on the floor laughing hysterically at something hilarious. It's true. It happens every time, we're pretty sure. We hope. Okay, we don't know anything. But it should happen. In a perfect, greeting card world.
12 Funny Fake Parking Tickets, "Obnoxious Little Parking Notes”
Twelve perfect little notes for jerks who don't know how to park. Including, " If you park sideways next time, you'll be able to take up four or five spaces instead of just two." And " I bet you screw as poorly as you park." Click product details for more.
12 Funny Kid's Lunch Notes, "Smart Little Offspring Notes”
Twelve sweet, funny lunch notes for each of your kids. Including, "Enjoy your lunch! I hope you don't find any worms in it." And "I hope you know how talented you are." Click product details for more.
12 Funny Little Notes for Gag Gift, "Alternative Little Tip Notes”
Twelve fabulous Littles for tipping service staff, waiters, or waitresses. Each one says, "No cash, but here's a tip: Next time, don't be so... slutty, slow, absent, etc." Click to see full list of checkbox options.
12 Modern Love & Sex Coupons, "Saucy Little Love Coupons”
Twelve sweet and kinky coupons for your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, or lover. Including, "Get laid without any foreplay." And "A home-cooked meal of your choice." Click product details for more.
Funny Blank Wedding Card for Bride and Groom, "What Couples Say”
FRONT Thank you for always being there for me.
INSIDE [blank]
Funny Christmas Greeting Card, "Santa Eats Babies"
FRONT I used to wonder why Santa is so fat.
INSIDE Until I realized, he probably just eats all the kids who scream.
Funny Halloween Card for Lover, "Something Good To Eat - Me”
FRONT Trick or treat, smell my feet, I've got something good to eat.
INSIDE Me.
Funny Holiday Greeting Card, "Jesus Was Born This Day… Maybe"
FRONT As you celebrate Christmas, remember Jesus was born this day.
INSIDE They think maybe.
Funny I Love You Card for Man, Woman, "You're Not Perfect"
FRONT I love you even when you're not perfect.
INSIDE Which is a lot.
Humorous Love Greeting Card, "I Will Love You, I Will Do You"
FRONT I will love you for the rest of my life.
INSIDE I will do you for the rest of the day.
I Love You Card, Funny, "I Want To Grow Old With You"
FRONT Sometimes, I picture us together when we're old.
INSIDE And I think, "Christ, I don’t want to see those wrinkly old farts shagging! Make it stop!"
Religion Mean Card, Funny, Sarcastic, Atheist, "Jesus Loves You”
FRONT Jesus loves you.
INSIDE Just not like your priest does.
Funny Halloween Greeting Cards (2 items)
Halloween. The season of pumpkins, ghosts, vampires, superheroes, and 20something girls dressed like hookers. What a great time of year to send a funny greeting card to your friends. Have a spookdrunkular Halloween!
Funny Halloween Card, "Transformations, 20Something Whores”
FRONT Halloween is a time for magical transformations.
INSIDE Houses become haunted. Kids become superheroes. 20something girls become whores.
Naughty Halloween Card, "Have Fun Dressing Like A Slut”
FRONT Happy Halloween!
INSIDE Have fun looking like a slut!
Funny Happy Mother's Day Cards (8 items)
Mom's rock. Make sure your mom gets a funny Mother's Day card from Flytrap. These products that are all but guaranteed to put a smile on mom's face. Unless her sense of humor isn't quite warped enough. In which case, find something with flowers and rainbows instead. (We don't have that here.)
Funny Mother's Day Card with Flowers, "Dirty Diaper”
FRONT Mom, I am so grateful for your kindness, generosity, and love. You are a role model, a mentor, and a hero in so many ways. If you hadn't been there for me...
INSIDE … I would have had a very dirty diaper.
Funny Mother's Day Card with Silly Bird, "I Drove You Crazy”
FRONT Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I'm sorry I drove you crazy when I was growing up.
INSIDE Especially because I think it's the reason you look funny now.
Funny Sarcastic Mother's Day Card, "I'm A Better Mom”
FRONT Happy Mother's Day, Mom! You're the best mom ever!
INSIDE Next to me, that is. Everyone knows I'm better at it.
Funny, Blunt Adult Mother's Day Card, "Mom Boobs”
FRONT Mom, you have the biggest heart I've ever seen!
INSIDE Oops. My mistake. That's just your boob.
Funny, Sarcastic Mother's Day Card, "Best or Worst Mom”
FRONT Happy Mother's Day to the best mom ever!
INSIDE Or maybe you're the worst mom ever. I wouldn't know. I have no other point of reference.
Hilarious, Naughty Child Mother's Day Card, "Dad Pokes Mom”
FRONT Mom, this Mother's Day I want to send a special thank you for bringing me into this world.
INSIDE And to dad, for wanting to poke you that night.
Humorous, Sarcastic Mother Day Card, "To Be A Kid Again”
FRONT Mom, sometimes I wish it could be like it was when I was little. You taking care of me, washing my clothes, and picking up after me.
INSIDE But I really think if we do that again, I should do all the cooking the next time around.
Sarcastic Funny Mother's Day Card for Mom, "Change Diapers”
FRONT Mom, now that we're both older and able to have such a special relationship…
INSIDE Would you mind changing my diaper again?
Funny Jewish Hanukkah Cards, Etc. (3 items)
There really aren't enough funny, edgy Hanukkah greeting cards around, are there? Flytrap intends to change that with this collection of hilarious cards for your Jewish friends and family. Happy Hanukkah!
Funny Hanukkah Greeting Card with Pig, "The Bacon Gift”
FRONT A special Hanukkah gift for you this year.
INSIDE I won't tell anyone you eat bacon.
Funny, Blunt Hanukkah Greeting Card, "The Chocolate Coins”
FRONT Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made it out of clay…
INSIDE Screw it, I can't remember the words. Let's just eat the chocolate coins.
Funny, Naughty Hanukkah Holiday Card, "Thanks for Killing Jesus”
FRONT Happy Hanukkah!
INSIDE Thanks for killing Jesus!
Funny Passover Greeting Cards (4 items)
Unique, funny greeting cards for Passover (or Pesach, if you call it that). If you don't want to be somber for the seder, make your friends and family laugh instead. These are perfectly inappropriate while everyone's wearing the yarmulke and asking questions.
Funny Sarcastic Passover Card, "Blood on Your Door”
FRONT This Passover, remember the important things...
INSIDE Like putting blood on your door.
Funny, Unique Passover Greeting Card for Adult, "Four Questions”
FRONT Why do we eat only matzoh on Pesach? Why do we eat bitter herbs, maror, at our Seder? Why do we dip our foods twice tonight? Why do we lean on a pillow tonight?
INSIDE Is it because God hates us?
Humorous Adult Passover Greeting Card, "Are You Sober?”
FRONT Wishing you joy and peace this Passover. Why is this night different from all other nights?
INSIDE Are you sober?
Unusual Funny Passover Card, "Celebrate Freedom”
FRONT Celebrate this Passover by celebrating your freedom.
INSIDE Put your bacon and cheese on the same plate this year.
Most of us look forward to retirement within a few weeks of starting work. We have a funny, clever retirement cards perfect for friends, moms, dads, aunts, uncles, grandparents and even coworkers. Say "congratulations" with style and humor. Oh, and please don't forget the sarcasm.
Funny Sticky Notes for Home or Office
Sticky notes are handy, aren't they? Leave a message, hope it sticks. These funny sticky notes (not Post-It® brand) are funny and modern while allowing you to leave a quick message. We especially like these sticky notepads for birthday presents, Christmas gifts, or (most of all) as funny stocking stuffers.
Funny Thank You Cards and Notes (7 items)
The best way to say "thanks" is by giving someone a boat. Or maybe a pony. Next best? Any of these funny thank you notes and cards show gratitude while giving back the gift of hysterical laughter. If you can't (or won't) give them a boat (you jerk), the very least you can do is make them laugh.
Funny and Unique Blank Thank You Card, "Thank You For Not”
FRONT Thank you for not. Thank you for not being as annoying as a baby on an airplane. Thank you for not being a writer who publishes incriminating stories about friends and family. Thank you for not being a mouth breather. And many more... just click.
INSIDE [blank]
Funny Thank You Card, Sarcastic, "No First Born”
FRONT Thank you. I really appreciate what you did.
INSIDE But you're not getting my first born.
Funny Thank You Note for Sarcastic People, "No Favors”
FRONT Thank you. I really appreciate what you did.
INSIDE But don't expect me to return the favor.
Funny Thank You Note, Mean, "Thanks for Nothing”
FRONT Thank you. I really appreciate what you did.
INSIDE Which was a whole lot of nothing.
Hilarious Thank You Greeting Card or Note, "No Sex”
FRONT Thank you. I really appreciate what you did.
INSIDE But I'm not having sex with you.
Humorous, Blunt Thank You Card for Anyone, "No Money”
FRONT Thank you. I really appreciate what you did.
INSIDE But I'm not giving you any money.
Sarcastic, Funny Thank You Card, "Notice of Gratitude”
FRONT A thank you note made easy. Check the appropriate boxes and sign. See product detail for more.
INSIDE [blank]
Funny, unique wedding or marriage greeting cards for the couples, brides, and grooms (straight, gay, and lesbian) who are taking the big commitment leap. Send them some humor to launch their next adventure. Or, maybe, a warning…
If you're a writer, these guided writing journals will make you Love, Laugh, Boink, and Thank just a little better. Loaded with fun quote and unusual writing topics, they make unique (and funny) birthday, anniversary, Valentine, and Christmas gifts.
Funny, Humorous Birthday Cards for Adults (42 items)
These humorous birthday cards are sarcastic, hilarious, and guaranteed to be the life of any party. You don't even need other people. Our funny cards can carry the whole thing! Okay, we lied. You'll need alcohol. And other humans. And plenty of food and party hats. Maybe even a piñata.
Belated Birthday Card, Funny, Snarky, "You're Not Important”
FRONT I'm sorry I forgot your birthday.
INSIDE I'm even more sorry that you're not important enough to remember on time.
Birthday Card for Mom, Funny, "Best or Worst Mom Ever”
FRONT Happy Birthday to the best mom ever!
INSIDE Or maybe you're the worst mom ever. I really wouldn't know. I have no other point of reference.
Funny 40th Birthday Card, Sarcastic, Mean, "You're 40 and I'm Not”
FRONT Happy Birthday! You're 40!
INSIDE And I'm not.
Funny Birthday Card for Brother or Sister, "Your Favorite Sibling”
FRONT Happy Birthday to my favorite sibling!
INSIDE Oh, that's right. You're mom and dad's favorite. Not mine.
Funny Birthday Card for Dad, "Best or Worst Dad Ever”
FRONT Happy Birthday to the best dad ever!
INSIDE Or maybe you're the worst dad ever. I wouldn't know. I have no other point of reference.
Funny Birthday Card for Friend, "No Present for You”
FRONT Happy Birthday to a very special parson.
INSIDE Here's a card and nothing else.
Funny Birthday Card for Friend, Sarcastic, "134th Birthday”
FRONT Happy 134th Birthday!
INSIDE Oh, come on. It's close enough.
Funny Birthday Card for Man or Friend, "Old Fart”
FRONT Happy Birthday to the Birthday Boy!
INSIDE Well, actually, you're more like the Birthday Old Fart. Have a good one anyhow.
Funny Birthday Card for Man, Adult, "Do Something You Love”
FRONT Happy Birthday. I hope you do something you truly love today.
INSIDE Eh. Even if you don't love her.
Funny Birthday Card, Mean, "No Gift for You”
FRONT I'm sorry I only got you a card for your birthday.
INSIDE Not really. You're lucky you got anything.
Funny Birthday Greeting Card, "Don't Break a Hip”
FRONT Happy Birthday!
INSIDE I hope your hip doesn't break this year.
Funny Birthday Greeting Card, Adult, Sarcastic, "Exciting Birthday”
FRONT I hope you have an exciting birthday!
INSIDE But I know how hard that is for an old person.
Funny Birthday Greeting Card, Sarcastic, "You're Getting Old”
FRONT Have a Happy Birthday! And remember, we're all getting older…
INSIDE But you're getting old.
Funny Birthday Party Card, Adult,"You Owe Me, Since I Showed Up”
FRONT Happy Birthday!
INSIDE There. I came to your party. Now you owe me.
Funny Facebook Card for Birthday, "More Than Writing On Your Wall"
FRONT Happy Birthday.
INSIDE I got you this card so you wouldn't bitch at me for only writing on your Facebook wall.
Funny Father Quotes Card, "Dadisms"
FRONT Things your dad used to say. View product detail for complete text.
INSIDE [blank]
Funny Happy Birthday Card, "Get Over Yourself, Everyone Has One”
FRONT Birthdays come but once per year!
INSIDE But everyone has one, so get over yourself.
Happy Birthday Card, Funny, "With Age Comes Wisdom”
FRONT With age comes wisdom.
INSIDE And with wisdom comes the realization that you're actually quite boring.
Hilarious Birthday Card, Evil, "Could This Be Your Last?”
FRONT Happy Birthday!
INSIDE Could this one be your last?
Hilariously Funny Birthday Card, Sarcastic, "Your Personalities”
FRONT We all want to wish you a happy birthday! So... Happy Birthday!
INSIDE Love, Your Personalities
Humorous Birthday Card for Adult, "Inappropriate for 8-Year-Olds”
FRONT Bad: Sex, drugs, lobster, driving fast. Good: Ice cream, hot dogs, climbing trees, playing with little kids.
INSIDE Oh, that's right. You're not 8 anymore. Reverse the lists.
Humorous Birthday Card for Friend, Sarcastic, "Old Bat”
FRONT Happy Birthday to the Birthday Girl!
INSIDE Well, actually, you're more like the Birthday Old Bat. Have a good one anyhow.
Humorous Birthday Card for Friend, Sarcastic, "Thank Your Parents”
FRONT Happy Birthday. Today, be sure to thank your parents for bringing you into the world.
INSIDE Because a lot of other people are probably bitching to them about it.
Humorous Birthday Card for Woman, "Twentysomething”
FRONT Happy Birthday! You're almost out of your 20s!
INSIDE And in light of that, I really think it's high time you stop dressing like a slut.
Humorous Birthday Card, "Wine Gets Better With Age, People Don't”
FRONT Wine gets better with age…
INSIDE People don't.
Humorous Birthday Card, Naughty, Adult, "Crying & Slapping”
FRONT Happy Birthday! On the day you were born, there was crying, slapping, screaming, slime and goo.
INSIDE Here's hoping for more of that tonight.
Humorous Birthday Card, Sarcastic, "Insignificant Age”
FRONT Happy Birthday.
INSIDE You've just turned an insignificant age that nobody really cares about.
Humorous Birthday Greeting Card for Friend, "Older on the Inside”
FRONT Happy Birthday! It's amazing you don't look any older!
INSIDE At least, not on the inside.
Humorous Birthday Greeting Card for Woman, "Do Something You Love”
FRONT Happy Birthday. I hope you do something you truly love today.
INSIDE Eh. Even if you don't love him.
Humorous Birthday Greeting for Friend, "Birthdays by Decade”
FRONT How to Celebrate Birthdays! 20s: Get Drunk; 30s: Get Drunk; 40s: Get Drunk; 50s: Get Drunk; 60s: Get Drunk
INSIDE Not everyone behaves this way. But you will. Happy Birthday, Lush.
Humorous Birthday Greetings Card, "Another Year Older Than Me”
FRONT Happy Birthday! Here's to another year…
INSIDE … older than me. Sucks to be you.
Humorous Birthday Greetings, Sarcastic, "No Gift Receipt”
FRONT I hope you enjoy your present.
INSIDE If not, too bad. I forgot to ask for a gift receipt.
Humorous Card for Mom's Birthday or Mother's Day, "Junk Food”
FRONT Mom, I'd like to thank you for all the Spaghetti-Os and Mac-n-Cheese meals you made me over the years.
INSIDE I must have really meant a lot to you.
Love Birthday Card, Funny, Adult, "My Sweet”
FRONT Happy Birthday, my sweet.
INSIDE There, I said something nice. Now hurry up and do me.
Love Birthday Card, One of the Best, "Naughty Birthnight”
FRONT Wishing you a Happy Birthday!
INSIDE And me a naughty birthnight!
Modern Card, Birthday, Sarcastic,"One Step Closer”
FRONT Being called "Q-Tip". Becoming more cautious. Going bald. Uncontrollable urination. [click for more].
INSIDE Congratulations, you're one step closer. And Happy Birthday.
Mom Card, Funny, for Birthday, Mother's Day, "Momisms”
FRONT Things your mom used to say. View product detail for complete text.
INSIDE [blank]
Sarcastic Birthday Card, Funny, "Great Presents”
FRONT Happy Birthday! I hope you get some great presents today!
INSIDE From someone else.
Sarcastic Birthday Card, Humorous, "Should I Say More?”
FRONT Happy Birthday.
INSIDE What? Am I supposed to say something else?
Sarcatic Birthday Card, Funny, "Your Not-So-Special Day”
FRONT It's your birthday! A special day to appreciate YOU!
INSIDE And about 18 million other people.
Sexy Love Birthday Card for Man, Husband, Boyfriend, "Birthdays Suck”
FRONT Birthdays suck...
INSIDE Fortunately, so do I. Happy Birthday.
Strange Happy Birthday Card, Sarcastic, "I Give You Breath Mints”
FRONT I'd like to wish for eternal bliss and world peace on your birthday.
INSIDE Of course, I'd be happy if you just started using breath mints.
Funny, Sexy Valentine Cards (10 items)
Flytrap has some of the best Valentines around, hands down. Funny, sexy, provocative. The best part? Flytrap Valentines result in sex almost every time. Isn't that amazing! We've never taken a poll, but we're pretty sure this is true. So shop for your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or partner. And laugh. Hard. (Wink.)
Funny Adult Valentine Card for Friend, "Oops, No Penis”
FRONT Will you be my Valentine?
INSIDE Oops, that's right. You don't have a penis.
Funny Adult Valentine's Day Love Card, "Stuck Together”
FRONT I wish we could be together this Valentine's Day...
INSIDE And by "be together" I mean "be stuck together" the whole time.
Funny Anti-Valentine's Day Card for Adult, "Happy Vile Pukeness Day”
FRONT Happy hearts and love and Cupid and arrows and couples and sex and fuzzy little love muffin vile pukeness stupid greeting card crap holiday day!
INSIDE [blank]
Funny Naughty Valentine Card for Friend, "Dozen Orgasms”
FRONT Happy Valentine's Day!
INSIDE I'd rather have a dozen orgasms than a dozen roses.
Funny Naughty Valentine Card, "For My Lover (Not My Partner)”
FRONT A Valentine card for the person I really, truly love. I wish I had found you before I was committed to someone else. Click for more...
INSIDE Oops, sorry. I think I gave this to the wrong person…
Funny Valentine Card - New Relationship, "I'm Not Sure…”
FRONT Happy Valentine's Day for a special new person in my life. I'm not sure where this relationship is going…
INSIDE But I hope when we get there, I get laid.
Funny Valentine Card for Friend, "I'll Be In My Room Crying”
FRONT It's Valentine's Day! You know what that means...
INSIDE I'll be in my room crying.
Funny, Naughty Valentine's Day Card, "That's Sex You're Smelling”
FRONT Love is in the air!
INSIDE Yep, that's sex you're smelling. Happy Valentine's Day.
Humorous Sarcastic Valentine Card, "About St. Valentine”
FRONT Valentine's Day is about remembering important people...
INSIDE Like Saint Valentine, who was arrested for marrying Christian couples in Rome. He was beaten with clubs, stoned, then beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate.
Naughty, Funny Adult Valentine's Day Card, "I Don't Want Candy”
FRONT I don't want candy, jewels or a rose, Or fancy cards with romantic prose. All that stuff I can get on my own, There is only one thing I can't do alone. So pucker up sweetie and give it a go...
INSIDE My pussy can't lick itself you know!
Graduation Greeting Cards and More
Give those high school and college graduates a funny, edgy greeting card that informs them life won't be so simple anymore. The outcomes of all night partying and hanging out with friends may lead to living in a dumpster behind the grab & run.
Happy Holiday, Seasons Greetings Cards
Not a Christian or a Jew? Don't even know what Kwanzaa is? No? Perhaps our funny holiday greeting cards are for you. Celebrate the season without offending anyone's religion. Probably… But really… we can't make any guarantees. We don't know who your friends are. Happy Holidays!
Say "hello" to anyone you know with these funny hello cards and other paper goods. These Flytrap products are perfect for any occasion, any person, and any mood. What a great way to let someone know you're thinking of them -- just because.
We crack ourselves up. Enjoy these terrifically hilarious greeting cards and other paper goods when you need to make someone double over and snort liquid from his nose. You'll find birthday cards, Christmas cards, sticky notes and tons of other hilarious stuff to get your friends laughing hysterically.
Humorous, sarcastic greeting cards are what we do best. So whether you want to say Happy Birthday, Happy Valentine's Day, Merry Christmas, I Love You, or just plain ol' Hello, these humorous cards are a beautiful, tangible way to get your message across. With humor!
We created Littles™ so people could leave a drop of humor just about anywhere -- on mirrors, in shoes, on milk cartons, or wherever! Business card-sized and sold in packs of 12, these humorous cards are fantabulously unique.
Love Cards and Sex Cards for Lovers (5 items)
We promise. These love and sex cards are going to get your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or partner all riled up for action. They're funny, sassy, sexy, and designed to help our customers get lucky. Statistics have shown that giving sexy love cards improves peoples' sex lives. Yeah, we just made that up. But it's probably true. Sometimes.
12 Dirty Funny Love Notes for Him, "Reasons to Do Me”
Twelve hilarious mini cards for your spouses and lovers. Including, " I'll spray perfume down there so it's nice for you. " And " I'll be on top. You can just lay there if you want. " Click product details for more.
12 Funny Love & Sex Notes for Him , "Smart Little Love Note”
Twelve clever, funny notes for your spouse or lover. Including, "Sometimes, I picture us together when we're old. And I think, 'Christ! I don't want to see those wrinkly old farts knocking boots! Make it stop!'" And "You make me hot and wet. When I'm in the hot tub, I mean. " Click product details for more.
12 Funny Love Notes (Featured at Target.com), "Sweet Little Love Notes”
Twelve sweet, romantic mini cards for your spouse, lover, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Including, " Thank you for making my life beautiful. " And " You're almost as cute as puppies and kittens. Maybe if you had more fur..." Click product details for more.
12 Kinky Love & Sex Coupons, "Kinky Little Naughty Coupons”
Twelve naughty coupons for your spouse, boyfriend, or lover. Including, " One full blow job. Swallowed." And "Spend a weekend with me living out our naughtiest sexual fantasies." Click product details for more.
12 Naughty Sexy Love Notes, "Naughty Little Sex Note”
Twelve dirty, nasty mini notes for your spouse, lover, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Including, " I really wish your tongue was here. " And "You make me smile. But I like it better when you make me scream. " Click product details for more.
We're betting that our funny, sexy love cards will not only make your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or partner laugh, but will also help you get lucky a bit more often. Why? Because that's what we created them for! Who could ask for more?
We try to stay away from evil, mean, antagonistic stuff. But, depending on how delicate someone's sensibilities are, these mean cards and other things are a bit more rude than most. Only give them to people who don't cry at greeting card ads, when fuzzy pink bunnies get injured, or whenever they blink.
New Baby Congratulations Cards (6 items)
Nobody wants another pink or blue "congratulations on your new baby" greeting card. At least, nobody with a lick of sense. Step away from trite with Flytrap. Give your friends a unique, funny new baby card so they can laugh instead of cry at what they've done.
Congratulations on New Puppy Card, "New Furniture”
FRONT Congratulations on your new puppy.
INSIDE And advance congratulations on your new shoes, sofa, and carpet!
Funny Congratulations Card, "What Did You Do Again??”
FRONT Congratulations
INSIDE Now what did you do again?
Funny New Baby Congratulations Card for Girl, "Enjoy the Poo”
FRONT Congratulations on your new baby girl!
INSIDE Enjoy the poo.
Funny New Baby Congratulations Card for Grandparents, "Share Diapers”
FRONT Congratulations on becoming a grandparent.
INSIDE Now you have someone to share diapers with!
Humorous New Baby Congratulations Card for Boy, "Enjoy the Poo”
FRONT Congratulations on your new baby boy!
INSIDE Enjoy the poo.
New Baby Congratulations Card, Funny, "Sucking at the Tit”
FRONT I know your new baby is going to give the world just what it needs.
INSIDE More poo, more screaming, and more sucking at the tit.
Other Occasion Cards (3 items)
We didn't have enough products to create a unique category of these cards. Break a Leg, Get Well, and other occasions cards can be found here. But, as always, they are all humorous, sarcastic, and irreverent. So get your snark on even for unusual occasions.
Funny Adult Get Well Card, "Get Well or Stop Puking”
FRONT Get well soon.
INSIDE Or at least stop puking so much. That shit's gross.
Funny Apology Card for Man, "I'll Suck All Day”
FRONT I'm sorry. I suck.
INSIDE And I'll suck all day if it'll help you forgive me.
Funny Good Luck Card, "Break a Leg So I'm Faster”
FRONT Break a leg!
INSIDE Seriously. Then I'll not only be smarter and funnier than you, I'll also be faster.
Sarcastic cards are our specialty, after all. So whenever you want to snark up someone's birthday, sarcasm-ify any holiday, or just add some edge to a friend's life, our sarcastic greeting cards, little notes, sticky notes, and other paper goods are funny, edgy, and almost always bring a smile.
Sexy Cards for Adults in Love or Lust
Want to get lucky? We have a card for that. Our sexy cards are almost completely guaranteed to get you some. Sex, that is. So give them on your anniversary, Valentine's Day, birthdays, or just to say "I love you" with a greeting card. Boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives, even gay and lesbian partners can find something to ramp up their sex lives. Get on with it!
Other Items (2 items)
Let's hope you enjoy all of these funny, sexy, romantic birthday, Christmas, love and all other occasions cards.
Funny Fake Parking Ticket Sticky Notes for Drivers, "You Park Like An Idiot"
THESE NOTES SAY You Park Like An Idiot. Remember: You actually share earth with other people. [click for more]
Sarcastic, Funny Father's Day Card, "Best or Worst Dad”
FRONT Happy Father's Day to the best dad ever!
INSIDE Or maybe you're the worst dad ever. I wouldn't know. I have no other point of reference.
